grow a clue dude

someone that I had not seen in over a year called me out of the blue a few weeks ago and we met for lunch one Sunday afternoon, it was nice to see him, but I could barely stand to talk to him. I would ask him questions about himself and he would always reply "you don't want to know"...WTF? if I didn't want to know, i wouldn't fucking ask, right. I used to really like this guy, he is very cute, but he lacks in the personality department, he doesn't get my sarcasm and everything about him seemed fake or shadowed by a lie. after the lunch, we parted and I did not give him any inclination that I was looking for anything more. Ever since that day, he has been calling me everyday....swear. I have not answered the phone, I was hoping that he would get a clue and just stop calling, but alas....it keeps happening. WHY? my guy friends tell me I should give him closure.....CLOSURE? what the fuck for? lunch? I had fucking lunch with him. I have lunch with all kinds of friends, I don't have to give them closure and they don't harass me about. I am seriously getting sick of it. I know.....I should just answer the phone and tell him to fuck off, but I don't even want to have that conversation...that's how bad he is. Ughhhh.....so I might change my phone number....just as warning. I just ate some chinese....and oh....I ate too much.

sweet and sour

it's 8:41 am, Tuesday, March 28. Someone told me I needed to Blog, so here I am. I never knew there was that much interest in my uninspired ramblings. I went to Bears last night and enjoyed a night of too much drinking and laughing my ass off. The comdedians were hilarious, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. i'm at work now, dreading my schedule of conversations with authors about how great their books are, how original their idea is to talk about how great god is and how jesus saves....grrrrrr. give me a break people....can we have an original thought? I mean...is that too much to ask?
I walked downtown last night to get some fresh air, it was nice. my hand is bruised from the needles. The vicadin is almost gone, and I am dreading the reality of life, someone please help me relax. I am so tired right now, i stayed up too late having deep conversation with my roommate, chating with a sweet boy and smoking too much. I need to learn to surround myself with creative people, people that can have conversation. I need to distance myself from less inspiring individuals.....people wanting to know when i am going to fuck them again....you know who you are. Please can you be a little creative? I don't think it's going to happen again.... sorry dirty little hippie. Maybe if we can have some kind of shared vibes, things would be different.

minds are beautiful

the snow is almost all gone now....poo. I am sad now. I need someone to cheer me up. I also have to go in for surgery tomorrow....so i will be out of commission for a few days...so don't call me....i will probably be hopped on way too many pills to speak coherently. I kicked ass at work today. since I played hooky yesterday. It was nice to just have a day off to enjoy the snow. I need to find a second job, something fun...something easy. I cleaned my room last night...it feels so comfortable now...i actually have a dresser now, no more piles of dirty/clean. I am making some yummy rice with saffron and some curry chicken ...mmmmm ....good ....I wish I had more people to cook for....I am a damn good cook. I might be going to Chicago again in 2 weeks for a show at the Metro...if things work out. I am so excited about that.
if I ever adopt a child....i will name her/him 'Achaiah' - "trouble"- discoverer of the secrets of nature - it's beautiful ...like this picture
-nice things I have done today-
*I didn't give the pharmacist a dirty look today.....he is so mean...I am killing him with kindness.
*I let someone keep my change...it was almost a dollar!
*I didn't say any harassing comments to anyone at work....i swear
*I fed the cat
*I washed dishes...even though it wasn't my turn

SPRING IS HERE...LET'S GO SLEDDING

IT SNOWED!!!!!
IT'S SO FREAKIN' BEAUTIFUL
I AM GOING TO HAVE A SMILE ON MY FACE ALL DAY
IF ONLY I HAD MY TRUCK....sigh...I'D BE 4 WHEELIN' IT
WHO WANTS TO GO SLEDDING???
I COULDN'T SLEEP...IT WAS LIKE WAITING FOR CHRISTMAS....I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TODAY....I AM SURE I WILL BE LATE...THEY HAVEN'T EVEN PLOWED YET- YAY!

manure is shit

guess what guys...it's 2:oo pm....which means I have ate lunch...which means....you guessed it...I ate too much. So I didn't ask Paul Newman out....he wasn't working. The landscaping guys are laying down mulch mixed with manure and the smell is making me want to vomit. Ewwww. I think I am going to get involved with the OC Art Guild, they really need some young/new vision, right now it's a few mature locals that seem to be preoccupied with quilting and knitting, so I...along with help from friends am going to add some flava....dat's right biotches!!! So, wish me luck on doing something good with art in this small town, it will be fun. I watched History of Violence with my friend George last night and was a little disappointed....you would think there would be more violence, but it was a little weak....and it seemed like everything was in slow motion.....I felt a little sluggish afterwards. I am really going to try and go to the Comedy Caravan tonight.....i keep meaning to and other shit comes up, but I think it's going to happen tonight.

love can move mountains....by means of explosives

so, I needed to blog. I received a call from my ex telling me that he met someone....a flood of emotions rushed through me quickly....so quickly that I looked emotionless. I told him congrats and told him to enjoy it and that I was happy for him - and I really feel that way. He felt better after talking, I felt like a tiny part of my world was crumbling, but that it needed to happen, I needed something to help me move on. I have great friends that have been supportive, like Gigi aka Jenn... she has been a great friends through all my ups and downs with my relationship, job, finances and whatever else my life has thrown at me. I am thankful to have a friend like her, and I know I don't tell her near enough....so "THANK YOU JENN!!" I wish she was here, I am on the verge of either crying or laughing hysterically. i need to cry, maybe then I will feel normal.

more NICE things I have done
*i let some kid borrow 50 cents to make a phone call to his "baby momma"
*i let some sorority chick and her friend cut me in line at Kroger because it was her birthday

baby goats

did a lot of running around yesterday....had to get a few things at the store. went to my mommys last night and had dinner...yummy. She gave me a bunch of towels and some cooking utensils.... I LOVE MY MOMMY. Bull shitted with my dad for a while...I LOVE MY DADDY. Went and played with some baby pygmy goats...wow they are so adorable....they tried to jump into my pocket. Didn't go out last night...went to bed early. Slept in late....it felt good. I haven't ate too much yet but I am getting ready to walk into town for lunch...not sure where yet...maybe laughing planet. My roommates cat...Samir (i think that's how you spell it) has been sleeping in my bed all night and morning....the cat loves me more...in your face Stewart!

5 nice things I have done this weekend
*told my mom I loved her
*didn't hunt down and kill the person who's car alarm was going off this morning
.....I must be having a bad week....I can't remember anything else....so there's 2 as of now

Paul Newman made me lunch

guess what guys....I ate too much again. I went to Bajio for lunch and ate a delicious mexican pizza....mmmm. I have decided the next time I go in there I am totally asking the guy that looks like Paul Newman out....he's so adorable. And I think he was staring at me while I ate.
So I am still deciding whether or not to go out....I just realized that the students are on spring break so it would be great to go out and not have to deal with them. So I am leaning more towards going out, but I am not sure where. The Lion.....Horse.....Alley.....Q.....Vid... ......maybe all of them. I'll do a pub crawl or something.
So I need to get back into my art, I feel so unmotivated and pathetic. I plan on making some tapestries for my new apartment some time this weekend. I hope they turn out well. So far having an apartment with Stew has been a pretty positive experience. We get along famously and he is respectful of me. Stew is a great friend and I hope we stay friends for a long time. *CHEESE*. I really need to call one of the local radio stations and see about getting a spot to do a radio show....this is something I must do.

let's take a holiday

It's St. Patricks day....and I was wondering what the hell does that mean? so here it is ..."a day observed by the Irish to commemorate the patron saint of Ireland". So why is it so celebrated here.....in America...well we like to have an excuse to drink....New Years, Valentines, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mothers day, Fathers day, grandparents day, Ash Wednesday, Martin Luther King Day, Groundhogs Day, Presidents Day, Flag Day, Mardi Gras, Easter, Palm Sunday, Earth Day, Good Friday, Passover, National Day of Prayer, Armed Forces Day, Rosh Hashanah, Ramadan, Patriot Day, Columbus Day, National Boss's Day, Election Day, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa are all good days to drink.....they should really just make a holiday and name it "Faded Day" or "Fuckered Up Day"....Instead of using every good holiday to get all sloshed. But....I am sure I will be a little hammered by the end of the night. I still have not decided on whether or not I want to go out or not. I might buy a pack of Killians and hang out at home.
So I walked downtown to the White Mountain Ice Creamery last night, they will be closing thier doors next week. It's such a shame, I practically grew up there being a parkie and all. I had one last peanut butter chocolate ice cream sandwich....it was wonderful. It started raining again on the way back home, we almost decided to hang out on some hippies porch to keep from getting wet, but the rain let up a little and we trekked home. It's only 8:30 am and I am already thinking about lunch.....

lucky charms

yes....it's right after lunch time and I ate too much...too much curry that is...I love the Snow Lion. It was just the right amount of spice to make my lips burn....awww....I am addicted. So my day has gone relatively well, we had a meeting where the president actually used the word "pimped"....I think it was an accident....but it was hilarious. I am totally buried at work and probably should be working right now, but my brain needed a break. St. Patricks day is right around the corner....I have been invited to several drinking celebrations....but I think I just want to chill out at home. I am such a loser. But at least I won't be a loser with a hangover. Like this lady.....

killing them softly

Ok, so trying to be nicer is harder than I thought...I have this horrible natural urge to be a horrible person...but I am improving. The other day my ex called and was being a total ass, it's a long story, but every other word out of my mouth was "fuck"....it was wierd...I felt very dirty afterwards. The whole thing was because I wasn't able to babysit for him because I was in Chicago...excuse the fuck out of me...ugggg...I am still pissed about it. Ok....I am sorry I was not able to babysit....I am sorry I cussed you out...I am sorry that I am not as reliable as you want me to be...I am sorry for having a life. NICE...NICE....NICE....so I just ate a bunch of food again and it was delicious, Bajo....I love you and the guy that looks like Paul Newman is HOT!
I went to bed early last night, I really needed the sleep. I definitly feel better today. I took a nice long bath after work and that also made me feel better. When I feel better I am nicer, so I really need to start taking better care of myself.
5 nice things I have done today:

*complimented someone on their pants....they looked really comfortable
*let 3 people cut me in the lunch line without threatening them
*didn't play my music loud this morning so my roommate could sleep peacefully
*fed a cat
*didn't flip someone off for pulling out right in front of me

I know...I know....not that impressive...but it's progress.

touching on the weekend

so, I am back in Bloomington after a long weekend in Chicago. It was fun. Not too much craziness except for the beatings and the cops showing up...but I will have to elaborate on that later....(I am at work)- I got to meet a lot of Mikes friends from back in the day and they were cool, I had a good time getting to know some of them....I didn't feel uncomfortable or weird. I want to holla out to Neal for letting me crash at his crib for the weekend- THANKS NEAL!!!
We only went downtown for a short period of time to walk on the Pier and eat at Heaven on Seven....the best damn cajun food I have ever had. We hung out with Towel for part of the day, great guy, he was fun. And he sure can freestyle :). Thanks for driving us around Towel!!!
I think the best part of the trip was seeing Mike happy....and scratching some records.

that's so nice

I have given 3 random people compliments
>I told someone that I like their haircut...and I was honest
>I told someone I liked her skirt....it was pretty
>and I told someone that they looked like a lady killer
I am making great progress don't you think?
I also need to work on my creativity

Don't be yourself, be someone a little nicer

I am really going to try to be nicer to everyone and everything...including myself...I think it will be good for me. I was trying to be nicer last night and it made me feel kinda creepy and left a bad taste in my mouth.
My new motto : Don't be yourself, be someone a little nicer.
I am on my way to nice. So get ready.
I walked downtown to eat, drink and be merry. we get ready to walk back and realize it is pouring rain....damn....fortunately this sweet little girl Sara came and picked our drunk asses up and took us all the way home. Thanks Sara!!!
I am going to say 5 things nice about other people

*Stewart has good taste in music....sometimes
*Jenn is witty and beautiful
*David is the strongest person I know
*Mike will always be the guy I had the time of my life with
*Tonya is so smart and talented

soul vomiting

So....I have a new blog because I forgot the password for my old one...imagine that. I just ate too much again....and i feel the burps coming on....so my day has been complete. I need to go back to school to cure my boredom....I feel my mind numbing from the mundane day to day. Things have been going fairly well.... i'm in my new apartment....I am getting out and about more and I have managed to stay pretty well on the straight....except for maybe the other night while watching jackie chan "who am i"....wow...if that movie wasn't funny already....it multiplies when you're full of smoke. I will be getting my wisdom teeth "extracted" in about 2 weeks....by "extracted" I mean..."ripped out of my head". I can't wait for it to be over....they have been bothering me for a while, but I have been so broke for so long it's been almost impossible....I guess that's why I like having a "real" job...it comes with decent insurance. Someone told me I had anger issues...this person does not know me....but makes quick judgement....but then it got me thinking....anger issues...what is that? I don't think I have anger issues....I mean my life has been pretty good...besides all the bullshit that has come up in the last couple years, but that's just life...and I think I handle it pretty well. I think it's just my personality...I don't have anger issues....I am a nice girl...a loving person....a caring person....so what if I show it in a different way. Maybe i could cut down on the sarcasim...but I think it makes people comfortable around me....I don't like things to get too heavy ya know. Soul vomit....sorry